[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
privileges will be dealt with severely.'
'How severely?'
'
Very severely.'
'They wouldn't dare,' replied Havisham haughtily. 'Now, what have you got for
us?'
'You're chairing the
Wuthering Heights rage counselling session.'
'I've done my six sessions,' replied Havisham. 'It's Falstaff's turn.'
'Now that's not true, is it?' replied the Bellman, 'You're only on your third.
Changing counsellors every week is not the best way to do it. Everyone has to
take their turn, Miss Havisham, even you.'
She sighed. 'Very well.'
'Good. Better not keep them waiting!'
The Bellman departed rapidly before Havisham could answer. She stood silently
for a moment, a bit like a volcano deciding whether to erupt or not. After a
few moments her eyes flicked to mine.
'Was that a smile?' she snapped.
'No, Miss Havisham,' I replied, trying to hide my inner amusement that someone
like her would try to counsel anyone about anything especially rage.
'Please do tell me what you think is so very funny,' she demanded. 'I really
am very keen to know.'
'It was a smile,' I said carefully, 'of surprise.'
'Was it now?' she replied. 'Well, before you get the mistaken belief that I am
somehow concerned about the feelings of such a pathetic bunch of characters,
let's make it clear that I was ordered to do this job
same as being drafted on to Heathcliff Protection Duty. I'd sooner he were
dead, personally speaking
but orders are orders. Fetch me a tea and meet me at my table.'
file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Ja...Well%20Of%20Lost%20Plots%20(v1.
1%20htm).html (71 of 212) [10/15/2004 12:52:28 AM]
Jasper Fforde - Thursday Next 03 - The Well of Lost Plots
There was a lot of excited chatter about the upgrade to UltraWord"! and I
picked up snatches of conversation that ran the full gamut from condemnation
to full support. Not that it mattered; Jurisfiction was only a policing agency
and had little say in policy that was all up to the higher powers at the
Council of Genres. It really was like being back at SpecOps. I bumped into
Vernham Deane at the refreshment table.
'Well,' said Vernham, helping himself to a pastry, 'what do you think?'
'Bradshaw and Falstaff seem a bit put out.'
'Caution is sometimes an undervalued commodity,' he said warily. 'What does
Page 72
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
Havisham think?'
'I'm really not sure.'
'Vern!' said Beatrice, who had just joined us along with Lady Cavendish.
'Which plot does
Winnie-the-
Pooh have?'
'
Triumph of the Underdog
?' he suggested.
'Told you!' said Beatrice, turning to Cavendish. '"Bear with little brain
triumphs over adversity." Happy?'
'No,' she replied. '
It's Journey of Discovery all the way.'
'You think every story is
Journey of Discovery
!'
'It is.'
They continued to bicker as I selected a cup and saucer.
'Have you met Mrs Bradshaw yet?' asked Deane.
I told him that I hadn't.
'When you do, don't laugh or anything.'
'Why?'
'You'll see.'
I poured some tea for Miss Havisham, remembering to put the milk in first.
Deane ate a canapé and asked:
'How are things with you these days? Last time we met you were having a little
trouble at home.'
'I'm living in the Well,' I told him, 'as part of the Character Exchange
Programme.'
'Really?' he said. 'What a lark. How's the latest Farquitt getting along?'
'Well, I
think
,' I told him, always sensitive to Deane's slight shame at being a
one-dimensional evil squire figure, 'the working title is
Shameless Love
.'
'Sounds like a Farquitt.' Deane sighed. 'There'll be someone like me in it
there usually is. Probably a rustic serving girl who is ravaged by someone
like me, too and then cruelly cast out to have her baby in the poorhouse
only to have her revenge ten chapters later.
'Well, I don't know '
'It's not fair, you know,' he said, his mood changing. 'Why should I be
condemned, reading after reading, to drink myself to a sad and lonely death
eight pages before the end?'
'Because you're the bad guy and they always get their comeuppance in Farquitt
novels?'
'It's still not fair.' He scowled. 'I've applied for an Internal Plot
Adjustment countless times but they keep turning me down. You wouldn't have a
word with Miss Havisham, would you? She's on the Council of
Genres Plot Adjustment subcommittee, I'm told.'
'Would that be appropriate?' I asked. 'Me talking to her, I mean? Shouldn't
you go through the usual channels?'
file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Ja...Well%20Of%20Lost%20Plots%20(v1.
1%20htm).html (72 of 212) [10/15/2004 12:52:28 AM]
Jasper Fforde - Thursday Next 03 - The Well of Lost Plots
'Not really,' he retorted, 'but I'm willing to try anything. Speak to her,
won't you?'
I told him I would try but decided on the face of it that I probably wouldn't.
Page 73
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
Deane seemed pleasant enough at Jurisfiction but in
The Squire of High Potternews he was a monster; dying sad, lonely and
forgotten was probably just right for him in narrative terms, anyway.
I gave the tea to Miss Havisham, who broke off talking to Perkins abruptly as
I approached. She gave me a grimace and vanished. I followed her to the second
floor of the Great Library, where I found her in the
Brontë section already with a copy of
Wuthering Heights in her hand. I knew that she probably did have a soft spot
for Heathcliff but I imagined it was only the treacherous marsh below
Penistone Crag.
'Did you meet the three witches, by the way?' she asked.
'Yes,' I replied. 'They told me '
'Ignore everything they say. Look at the trouble they got Macbeth into.'
'But they said '
'I don't want to hear it. Claptrap and mumbo-jumbo. They are troublemakers and
nothing more.
Understand?'
'Sure.'
'Don't say "sure" it's so slovenly! What's wrong with: "Yes, Miss
Havisham"?'
'Yes, Miss Havisham.'
'Better, I suppose. Come, we are Brontë bound!'
And we read ourselves into the pages of
Wuthering Heights
.
12
Wuthering Heights
'
Wuthering Heights was the only novel written by Emily Brontë, which some say [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl akte20.pev.pl
privileges will be dealt with severely.'
'How severely?'
'
Very severely.'
'They wouldn't dare,' replied Havisham haughtily. 'Now, what have you got for
us?'
'You're chairing the
Wuthering Heights rage counselling session.'
'I've done my six sessions,' replied Havisham. 'It's Falstaff's turn.'
'Now that's not true, is it?' replied the Bellman, 'You're only on your third.
Changing counsellors every week is not the best way to do it. Everyone has to
take their turn, Miss Havisham, even you.'
She sighed. 'Very well.'
'Good. Better not keep them waiting!'
The Bellman departed rapidly before Havisham could answer. She stood silently
for a moment, a bit like a volcano deciding whether to erupt or not. After a
few moments her eyes flicked to mine.
'Was that a smile?' she snapped.
'No, Miss Havisham,' I replied, trying to hide my inner amusement that someone
like her would try to counsel anyone about anything especially rage.
'Please do tell me what you think is so very funny,' she demanded. 'I really
am very keen to know.'
'It was a smile,' I said carefully, 'of surprise.'
'Was it now?' she replied. 'Well, before you get the mistaken belief that I am
somehow concerned about the feelings of such a pathetic bunch of characters,
let's make it clear that I was ordered to do this job
same as being drafted on to Heathcliff Protection Duty. I'd sooner he were
dead, personally speaking
but orders are orders. Fetch me a tea and meet me at my table.'
file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Ja...Well%20Of%20Lost%20Plots%20(v1.
1%20htm).html (71 of 212) [10/15/2004 12:52:28 AM]
Jasper Fforde - Thursday Next 03 - The Well of Lost Plots
There was a lot of excited chatter about the upgrade to UltraWord"! and I
picked up snatches of conversation that ran the full gamut from condemnation
to full support. Not that it mattered; Jurisfiction was only a policing agency
and had little say in policy that was all up to the higher powers at the
Council of Genres. It really was like being back at SpecOps. I bumped into
Vernham Deane at the refreshment table.
'Well,' said Vernham, helping himself to a pastry, 'what do you think?'
'Bradshaw and Falstaff seem a bit put out.'
'Caution is sometimes an undervalued commodity,' he said warily. 'What does
Page 72
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
Havisham think?'
'I'm really not sure.'
'Vern!' said Beatrice, who had just joined us along with Lady Cavendish.
'Which plot does
Winnie-the-
Pooh have?'
'
Triumph of the Underdog
?' he suggested.
'Told you!' said Beatrice, turning to Cavendish. '"Bear with little brain
triumphs over adversity." Happy?'
'No,' she replied. '
It's Journey of Discovery all the way.'
'You think every story is
Journey of Discovery
!'
'It is.'
They continued to bicker as I selected a cup and saucer.
'Have you met Mrs Bradshaw yet?' asked Deane.
I told him that I hadn't.
'When you do, don't laugh or anything.'
'Why?'
'You'll see.'
I poured some tea for Miss Havisham, remembering to put the milk in first.
Deane ate a canapé and asked:
'How are things with you these days? Last time we met you were having a little
trouble at home.'
'I'm living in the Well,' I told him, 'as part of the Character Exchange
Programme.'
'Really?' he said. 'What a lark. How's the latest Farquitt getting along?'
'Well, I
think
,' I told him, always sensitive to Deane's slight shame at being a
one-dimensional evil squire figure, 'the working title is
Shameless Love
.'
'Sounds like a Farquitt.' Deane sighed. 'There'll be someone like me in it
there usually is. Probably a rustic serving girl who is ravaged by someone
like me, too and then cruelly cast out to have her baby in the poorhouse
only to have her revenge ten chapters later.
'Well, I don't know '
'It's not fair, you know,' he said, his mood changing. 'Why should I be
condemned, reading after reading, to drink myself to a sad and lonely death
eight pages before the end?'
'Because you're the bad guy and they always get their comeuppance in Farquitt
novels?'
'It's still not fair.' He scowled. 'I've applied for an Internal Plot
Adjustment countless times but they keep turning me down. You wouldn't have a
word with Miss Havisham, would you? She's on the Council of
Genres Plot Adjustment subcommittee, I'm told.'
'Would that be appropriate?' I asked. 'Me talking to her, I mean? Shouldn't
you go through the usual channels?'
file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Ja...Well%20Of%20Lost%20Plots%20(v1.
1%20htm).html (72 of 212) [10/15/2004 12:52:28 AM]
Jasper Fforde - Thursday Next 03 - The Well of Lost Plots
'Not really,' he retorted, 'but I'm willing to try anything. Speak to her,
won't you?'
I told him I would try but decided on the face of it that I probably wouldn't.
Page 73
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
Deane seemed pleasant enough at Jurisfiction but in
The Squire of High Potternews he was a monster; dying sad, lonely and
forgotten was probably just right for him in narrative terms, anyway.
I gave the tea to Miss Havisham, who broke off talking to Perkins abruptly as
I approached. She gave me a grimace and vanished. I followed her to the second
floor of the Great Library, where I found her in the
Brontë section already with a copy of
Wuthering Heights in her hand. I knew that she probably did have a soft spot
for Heathcliff but I imagined it was only the treacherous marsh below
Penistone Crag.
'Did you meet the three witches, by the way?' she asked.
'Yes,' I replied. 'They told me '
'Ignore everything they say. Look at the trouble they got Macbeth into.'
'But they said '
'I don't want to hear it. Claptrap and mumbo-jumbo. They are troublemakers and
nothing more.
Understand?'
'Sure.'
'Don't say "sure" it's so slovenly! What's wrong with: "Yes, Miss
Havisham"?'
'Yes, Miss Havisham.'
'Better, I suppose. Come, we are Brontë bound!'
And we read ourselves into the pages of
Wuthering Heights
.
12
Wuthering Heights
'
Wuthering Heights was the only novel written by Emily Brontë, which some say [ Pobierz caÅ‚ość w formacie PDF ]