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the family name& 
 Shut up Allan! shouted Benjamin.
 No, I m defending your family name mate! What were you
playing at Wilson? Call yourself a family retainer?
 I suspect that Mr Skag is being jocular? Wilson viewed his
Master in the rear view mirror.
 Yes, you might call it that, Benjamin nudged Skag who just
grinned cockily.
They rolled up to the gates of Bunt Hall, the previous sunny
weather being overcome by thunderous clouds waiting to burst over
the acres of land belonging to the Bunt family. Karim gasped in
amazement as they drove down the two hundred metre long
driveway.
 This is a road in it s own right! his eyes widened in
disbelief.
Wilson stopped the car by the gardener, Jenkins, who smiled
warmly after straightening up having been raking the soil in a
flower bed that lined either side of the drive way.
 Good afternoon Jenkins! Wilson said after winding down the
window.
 Hullo Mr Wilson! the old man s tanned weather beaten face
wrinkled up as he beamed. He appeared to be in some degree of
pain as he held his lower back.  You here for the big event eh?
 I am here with young Master Benjamin and his dear friend
Mr Karim Khan and a disreputable individual who likes to be
known as Skag.
 Really? he winced as the pain worsened.  More hands to
the pump eh?
 What do you mean Jenkins?
 You ll soon find out Mr Wilson. Anyway I must go inside.
Mildred is doing a Ploughman s.
 May I give you a lift? Wilson nodded at the empty
passenger seat to his left and the old gardener gratefully accepted
before groaning as he struggled to get into the car.
They drove up to the house, built in Tudor times by Earl
Thomas Bunt, he was suffering a heavy defeat at bowls before Sir
Francis Drake saw the Spanish Armada on the horizon and had to
make his excuses. Around two hundred years later Lord Henry Bunt
made a few changes to the home explaining the Regency look to
the front with steps and columns. It was during this period that the
Bunts became famous for their parties at the residence, attended by
such people as Wellington, the Scarlet Pimpernel and Jane Austen.
Lord Henry s son, the gorging, gallavanting libertine Oliver Bunt,
was even a member of the Hellfire Club and socialised with the
likes of Byron, Coleridge and Pitt.
Entering the main hall, as designed by Emily Bunt a lesbian
feminist artist (Benjamin s great Auntie) it resonated Art Deco
splendour. Wilson sighed contentedly as if back in his spiritual
home. Skag wondered whether the Louis XCVI chandeliers up above
would be easy to remove from the ceiling. Karim was astounded.
Jenkins doubled up in agony. Benjamin simply paced off to the left
where he briskly ascended the stairs.
 Very impressive&  Skag began.
 Don t you touch anything! Wilson gave him a withering
look.
 Where are you going Ben? asked Karim.
 My bedroom! I want to make sure nobody s re-decorated it!
and with that he vanished down a corridor up on the first floor.
 Interesting portraits, Karim had noticed the oil paintings
lining the walls in the hall leading to dining room.
 Ah yes, Wilson headed towards them like a tour guide.
 The family in oil!
 Worth any money? Skag wondered before receiving a dirty
look from the butler.
 I hope you re not here on the scrounge, he replied
moodily.  This entire weekend is going to be extremely tiresome
and I hope you don t intend on making it more so. I could do
without any nonsense from you.
 So who are they all? enquired Karim as they strolled past
the oil paintings.
 This is Lord Henry Bunt, Wilson pointed at a portrait of a
middle aged man in a white wig.  As painted by Gainsborough. He
was quite a legendary member of the family. He made some
improvements to the place after coming back from the War of
Independence. He fought tooth and nail to ensure those upstarts
couldn t break away from the Empire but alas he was unsuccessful.
Next his son Oliver, he indicated a painting of a young man with
shoulder length hair and a pipe between his lips.  A ruffian and a
libertine! However, his son Edmund Bunt was a true gentleman and
possessed plenty of business acumen& 
 Who is this dopey cunt? Skag had overtaken them and was
pointing at a portrait on the opposite wall about a hundred metres
away.
 I would thank you not to refer to a member of this family
in such vulgar terms! Wilson and Karim caught up with Skag
before Wilson clipped him around the ear.  That, Mr Franks, is
Great Uncle Broderick Bunt! My former Master! A man of guile and
gregariousness!
 Why s he wearing a stupid fighter pilot s outfit and
goggles?
 He was an adventurer and, Wilson regarded Skag
distastefully.  A gentleman!
 Aha! a voice came from the oak panelled dining room.
 Wilson old chap!
 That sounds like the voice of Cousin Frank, Wilson frowned
at his companions before going into the dining room where a
middle aged man was hurriedly eating bratwurst, sauerkraut and
chips.
 Hello Wilson! he did a Nazi salute and stamped one of his
feet underneath the table which made Wilson grimace.  Seig heil
mein Butler!
 I m not a member of the Third Reich Master Frank, Wilson
beckoned for Skag and Karim to follow.
As they entered they were warmly greeted with more salutes.
Cousin Frank nearly choked on his bratwurst before swilling back
some lager and belching so that it echoed about the room.
 What the hell is this? Are you taking das piss? Some greasy
hippie and a fucking Pak& 
 Master Frank! Wilson quickly interrupted him.  Karim and
Allan are good friends of Master Benjamin.
 Oh the wog is here as well? he rolled his eyes.  Fucking
hell! Come one, come all! Open the bloody floodgates and let them
all in!
Both Skag and Karim were agog.
 The inheritance should go straight to the pure, the whites in
the family! Benjamin is half cast..
 Mixed race! the other three all yelled.
 He shouldn t be considered for any inheritance!
 Sir, Wilson reddened.  Master Benjamin, as the only son of
Queen Amina of Zambia and Mr Thomas Endeavour Bunt, is the
rightful heir to this estate. It was only his father s eccentric sense [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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