[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
sing, or even make goofy animal noises. This alters your
breathing pattern and slows the rush of adrenaline coursing
through your body. Then start talking to yourself; say It s
not worth getting worked up over, or Don t do anything
drastic.
" Distract yourself from the frustration. By changing your
mental focus, you can temporarily reduce your anger level
and possibly keep from doing or saying things you ll regret.
Anger management is essential to life in the modern world. It
doesn t mean you need to back down; management means you as-
sert yourself, diffuse the anger, and settle on what is right.
CONTROL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
People looking for jobs will tell you the heaviest thing in the world
is the telephone when you must use it to call potential employers. It
is heavy because a job seeker usually projects negative thoughts onto
the person she s about to call. Negative thoughts lay the groundwork
for anger if the person shows even the slightest tendency to fulfill
your negative projection.
A better approach is to prepare for the worst. Write it down if it
helps. For instance, What must I do if . . .
" He won t take my call.
" She says they have no openings now.
Channel Anger Constructively 141
" He says I m overqualified (or underqualified).
" She says, Send me a résumé.
If you are prepared, you cannot get angry; you can only say, I did
my best; I ll do better next time, or better still, you will have found
an avenue to an opportunity.
HANDLING ACCUSATIONS
Being blamed or accused can be like a boxing match someone un-
expectedly jabs at you and your first impulse is to jab back. How-
ever, in the boxing ring the boxers are getting paid to knock each
other senseless. When you are accused in the workplace or personal
situations, however, you ll be on the employment line, or in jail, or
both rather quickly if you start throwing punches. On the other
hand, you still need to assert yourself, while creating a win-win
situation.
Suppose you were accused (even jokingly) out loud at a party of
hitting your spouse. Some people will always be ready to believe the
worst. For the sake of your relationships and reputation, you ve got
to find a way to convince as many people as possible that you don t
hit your loved ones.
If you slug your accuser or shout, It s a lie, these actions won t
convince many people; in fact, observers will be more likely to be-
lieve the accusation. Instead, you might try putting one of these
questions to your accuser: Why would you joke about something so
serious? Whoever told you that? Should I dignify that insult, or will
you admit you re joking? Who put you up to saying that? Never
bring a third party into the situation; in this example, your wife.
Your responses should be built around your own confidence that
the truth is with you. You are not defensive, nor are you directly ac-
cusing your adversary of lying. And by implying it is a joke, you are
offering him a way out of the dilemma he has created for himself.
142 25 Natural Ways to Lower Blood Pressure
DAMAGE-LIMITING OPERATIONS
Suppose you re cut off while driving. The best thing to do is to pull
to the side of the road or just slow down, collect your thoughts, give
the lousy driver a chance to get far away, and resolve to drive more
defensively. Examine your relationship with the offending party, and
question the amount of power you want them to have over your
emotions. Do you really want him to influence your immediate hap-
piness? If so, it s like putting a sign on your car saying, I ll let any
one of you turn me into a raving idiot.
Most anger-producing situations, however, are not so obvious
and short-lived as being cut off. Suppose you ve been sold a defec-
tive product or have been cheated. Your objective is to recover what
you can, move on, and avoid similar losses in the future. The tech-
niques you use are called damage-limiting operations, because
you ve already lost something, and you want to prevent future losses,
or limit the damage that s been done.
Anger is positive in such cases. Thank your body for alerting you
to the seriousness of the problem and get back in control of the sit-
uation by focusing on the future and limiting the damage. And if
things don t go your way, learn to let go and get on with your life.
HANDLING ANGER DURING STRESSFUL SITUATIONS
When you are entering a stressful situation that is almost sure to
cause anger, your objective is to prevent that anger.
Do say to yourself
" What do I have to do?
" How many ways are there to deal with this?
" There may not be a need to argue. I ll take three deep
breaths, collect my thoughts, and relax.
" A sense of humor will be very helpful.
Channel Anger Constructively 143
Don t say to yourself
" I have to win.
" I m going to get angry.
" There is going to be an argument.
" I m ready for him or them.
In seeking a fair resolution to a confrontation, make an effort to
use neutral, nonaccusatory phrases, even if you feel deep inside the
need to accuse your adversary.
Do say to yourself and the others
" Let s go at this one point at a time.
" Could we both be right here?
" Could a cooperative effort work? Perhaps we re both right. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl akte20.pev.pl
sing, or even make goofy animal noises. This alters your
breathing pattern and slows the rush of adrenaline coursing
through your body. Then start talking to yourself; say It s
not worth getting worked up over, or Don t do anything
drastic.
" Distract yourself from the frustration. By changing your
mental focus, you can temporarily reduce your anger level
and possibly keep from doing or saying things you ll regret.
Anger management is essential to life in the modern world. It
doesn t mean you need to back down; management means you as-
sert yourself, diffuse the anger, and settle on what is right.
CONTROL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
People looking for jobs will tell you the heaviest thing in the world
is the telephone when you must use it to call potential employers. It
is heavy because a job seeker usually projects negative thoughts onto
the person she s about to call. Negative thoughts lay the groundwork
for anger if the person shows even the slightest tendency to fulfill
your negative projection.
A better approach is to prepare for the worst. Write it down if it
helps. For instance, What must I do if . . .
" He won t take my call.
" She says they have no openings now.
Channel Anger Constructively 141
" He says I m overqualified (or underqualified).
" She says, Send me a résumé.
If you are prepared, you cannot get angry; you can only say, I did
my best; I ll do better next time, or better still, you will have found
an avenue to an opportunity.
HANDLING ACCUSATIONS
Being blamed or accused can be like a boxing match someone un-
expectedly jabs at you and your first impulse is to jab back. How-
ever, in the boxing ring the boxers are getting paid to knock each
other senseless. When you are accused in the workplace or personal
situations, however, you ll be on the employment line, or in jail, or
both rather quickly if you start throwing punches. On the other
hand, you still need to assert yourself, while creating a win-win
situation.
Suppose you were accused (even jokingly) out loud at a party of
hitting your spouse. Some people will always be ready to believe the
worst. For the sake of your relationships and reputation, you ve got
to find a way to convince as many people as possible that you don t
hit your loved ones.
If you slug your accuser or shout, It s a lie, these actions won t
convince many people; in fact, observers will be more likely to be-
lieve the accusation. Instead, you might try putting one of these
questions to your accuser: Why would you joke about something so
serious? Whoever told you that? Should I dignify that insult, or will
you admit you re joking? Who put you up to saying that? Never
bring a third party into the situation; in this example, your wife.
Your responses should be built around your own confidence that
the truth is with you. You are not defensive, nor are you directly ac-
cusing your adversary of lying. And by implying it is a joke, you are
offering him a way out of the dilemma he has created for himself.
142 25 Natural Ways to Lower Blood Pressure
DAMAGE-LIMITING OPERATIONS
Suppose you re cut off while driving. The best thing to do is to pull
to the side of the road or just slow down, collect your thoughts, give
the lousy driver a chance to get far away, and resolve to drive more
defensively. Examine your relationship with the offending party, and
question the amount of power you want them to have over your
emotions. Do you really want him to influence your immediate hap-
piness? If so, it s like putting a sign on your car saying, I ll let any
one of you turn me into a raving idiot.
Most anger-producing situations, however, are not so obvious
and short-lived as being cut off. Suppose you ve been sold a defec-
tive product or have been cheated. Your objective is to recover what
you can, move on, and avoid similar losses in the future. The tech-
niques you use are called damage-limiting operations, because
you ve already lost something, and you want to prevent future losses,
or limit the damage that s been done.
Anger is positive in such cases. Thank your body for alerting you
to the seriousness of the problem and get back in control of the sit-
uation by focusing on the future and limiting the damage. And if
things don t go your way, learn to let go and get on with your life.
HANDLING ANGER DURING STRESSFUL SITUATIONS
When you are entering a stressful situation that is almost sure to
cause anger, your objective is to prevent that anger.
Do say to yourself
" What do I have to do?
" How many ways are there to deal with this?
" There may not be a need to argue. I ll take three deep
breaths, collect my thoughts, and relax.
" A sense of humor will be very helpful.
Channel Anger Constructively 143
Don t say to yourself
" I have to win.
" I m going to get angry.
" There is going to be an argument.
" I m ready for him or them.
In seeking a fair resolution to a confrontation, make an effort to
use neutral, nonaccusatory phrases, even if you feel deep inside the
need to accuse your adversary.
Do say to yourself and the others
" Let s go at this one point at a time.
" Could we both be right here?
" Could a cooperative effort work? Perhaps we re both right. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]